In what amounts to a sweeping reform of the brewing industry, the European Brewing Convention (EBC) has announced that it has chosen English as the standard language for the European brewing industry. The EBC has commissioned a feasibility study on ways to make communications between member countries more efficient.
Although endorsing English as the new standard, EBC officials have pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult - for example, cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What the EBC feels is clearly needed is a phased program of changes to iron out these anomalies. The program is being administered by a committee staffed by respected brewers from participating countries.
In the first year of implementation, the committee has recommended using 's' instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, brewers in all sities will selebrate on resieving this news. Then the hard 'c' would be replaced by 'k' sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only will this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters and komputers kould be made with one less letter.
Assuming there would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it kould be announsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. This would make words lik 'Fil's Filler' twenty per sent shorter in print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible. The European Brewing Konvention would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful. Therefor the EBK would drop thes and we kould kontinu to read and writ as though nothin had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'. Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o'kould be dropd from words kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the Uropn Brurs Konvenzun vil finali hav kum tru.